Happy N7 Day

Hi friends.

What does N7 day mean to me?

Well, I'm a newbie to the Mass Effect fandom, so it means a lot of different things. I haven't been part of this fandom for very long, less than a year, in fact, so sometimes I feel almost like it shouldn't mean as much to me, that I shouldn't own merch yet, that I shouldn't fawn over N7 tattoos that people have. 

I played Mass Effect for the first time at the end of January and for the next three months the three games consumed me. Molly and I were living in a crappy basement suite, we were unhappy, and honestly the only light in my day was video games.

I got let go from my job shortly after I beat the first Mass Effect game, so 2 and 3 kinda...carried me through before we moved to our other place.

Mass Effect means a lot to me in the typical 'discovery/be brave/true to yourself' kinda way, but in another way it helped me...not how I expected.

When I was a kid I used to be terrified of alien movies. The 'grays' as it were, were the scariest things to me, and I would check around corners, in my closets, would lie awake afraid of aliens coming to get me in my room (or any room) at night.

Alien movies have never sat well with me, giving me nightmares, so I just didn't bother watching them at all knowing they'd trigger poor sleep or scary images for months to follow.

Knowing Bioware by now through Dragon Age, I trusted them to handle the alien situation and dove in head first. I'd heard by now that apparently Garrus was pretty cool. 

Three games later and I love Garrus (because who doesn't), and now I'm working on my Renegade playthrough where I'm pursuing Thane (and we all know how that ends up). Aliens may make me nervous in a real-world sense of 'what if they're really out there', because they very well could be, but I'm a little less terrified of them now and can sleep at night.

I can thank a certain video game series for that.

Discussions on Sexual Fluidity with a Straight Man

Never mind that he's white and middle aged, today I had a discussion in regards to my sexuality, and sexuality in general with a straight man today.

Let me preface this properly. He's a lovely man, we've known each other for years. He works at a car dealership where I used to work, and we were friends then, and every now and again I drop by and we talk for at least an hour. He's a lovely man, and we respect each other very much.

Don't read this with him as a villain. He was asking me legitimate questions, trying his hardest to understand, no matter how I simplified it. I appreciated his earnestness to understand, even though he couldn't wrap his head around it. Trying to educate yourself in things you don't understand is important, and he tried.

The conversation started simply, asking how Molly is, because most of the people at the dealership knew when I first started dating her. Yes, we're doing well, yes, we're still together, oh guess what, we have hamsters now, would you like to see pictures of them on my phone? (I did that. I'm that kind of Hamster Mom.)

He asks me simply, warning me ever often to tell him if he's stepping over the line. I'll skip a few of the more personal questions because they are just that, personal, but I'll cover the gist of it. 

He asks me first how it all works, being that I say I like both genders. We'd been talking about my job situation in regards to losing the other one, I told him what the old boss said about me being a lesbian, and I threw in "I'm not a lesbian, but I'm in a lesbian relationship". For whatever reason that really threw him.

"What do you mean by that?" he asks me.

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" Because really, what...don't you understand?

He doesn't understand how I can be attracted to both genders. He asks me questions involving how can I be attracted to Molly, but also if I see a cute boy that I find attractive, wouldn't I want to sleep with him? Without making me sound like a slut of course, says he. "Please tell me if I'm being a pig."

No, I explain. I may find said cute boy attractive as all else, but Molly makes me happy and she's who I choose to be with. That's why I won't just up and sleep with this guy. If I had talked with Molly and we were in an open relationship, and all parties were okay with it, that's a different story. But if he can't understand being bisexual and how that works, can you imagine explaining polyamory to him?! Let alone different genders? I kept things as simple as possible, male, female, tried to keep my terminology simple... But he just couldn't wrap his head around it.

I can look at anyone and think 'damn, that's a good lookin' person', but that doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. I'm the type of person who needs to establish an emotional connection before I can even THINK about that sort of thing. That's just me. I know not all people are like that, and that's fine. I explained that to him, too. That made a little bit more sense to him for whatever reason.

He explained to me that he's wired like 'all men', and aren't all men horny all the time? Aren't women like that too? What do you mean they're not? Don't women think about sex all the time too?

No, not necessarily, I explain. Some people 'blossom', per se, later in life. Some people don't have any interest in it at all. 

That blew his mind.

I moved on from explaining that I wasn't going to leave Molly for a man at a whim into trying to explain asexuality. Knowing the spectrum is vast, please forgive me, fellow ace people who read this, I kept it as simple as possible with the 'asexual people aren't interested in sexual activity at all'. I told him there are many exceptions, but he was already struggling with the simple stuff, so I didn't want to overwhelm him. 

Explaining that people can be asexual for many reasons, or not engage in sexual activity for many reasons, he listened intently, trying to understand. I explained the difference between asexuality and celibacy, that no, they're not the same thing. 

I explained how some people who are asexual still engage in sex, with themselves, or with others, for many different reasons, but everyone is different. I explained that everything is up to the people involved, and as long as communication is open and consent is discussed and given, people can do what they want.

I explained how many asexual people feel like something is wrong with them, and since we're not taught about it in school, people who admit they are asexual are sometimes treated that way, and mistreated, some are abused to 'correct' them, are told things like "You just haven't had sex with the right person," or, "How can you not know if you like it if you've never tried it?" 

It took me an hour to discuss the simplest of things, like bisexuality and asexuality. Sure, they might not seem simple, but an hour, you guys. I still think that at the end of the conversation he still didn't understand.

We really need proper sexual education in this country. We can't have people told they're invalid, we can't have people told their sexuality isn't real. 

We need to discuss trans issues. 

We need to teach these things in school. 

You know where I learned them? Tumblr.

This is unacceptable.

I Want to be Like Tohru Honda

Recently I reread all of the series Fruits Basket, and it made me realize a few things.

First, I'm an emotional weepy mess of tears and shouldn't read it in public, and second, we have a lot to learn from Tohru and how she treats people.

Her life has not been easy. She lost her dad when she was young, and talks like him (very formal and polite) as not to lose his memory, and to keep her mom in high spirits. She loses her mom while she's about to start high school, and it shapes the entire story.

Still, despite her grief, she faces the day with a smile and works harder than everyone to make sure her friends are smiling. When she cries it's for other people, and never for herself.

She gives 110% to make sure everyone is happy, even if she works herself sick.

The story is a lot deeper than that, but I want everyone to enjoy the story fully for what it is, and I encourage everyone to read it. 

There's a subtlety in how Takaya ages the characters, and it's beautifully drawn. Watching all of the characters grow and evolve together was one of the greatest treats of the entire series.

We can learn a lot from people like Tohru Honda, who takes adversity and shows it what's what, facing it with a smile and hard work.

Who doesn't want to be like that?

I know I have a lot of work to do to get there.

Let's help each other.

How I Met My Nerdy Girlfriend

Hey friends!

In case you were ever wondering my origin story with my girlfriend Molly, I'm going to tell you.

In March 2012 I went to the Legend of Zelda Symphony of the Goddesses with a couple of friends and during the intermission we heard Groose's Theme. While wandering about the Orpheum Theatre, I looked down into the foyer and saw a blond girl wearing a green dress with a Triforce on it, and she was holding a Groose doll. This was significant, as I'd just been introduced to the "Groose's Theme Goes With Everything" meme, which has quite a few to choose from. (Also, unrelated, but the best Groose video ever)

Later on while browsing the Skyward Sword tag on Tumblr, I saw the same girl posting progress pictures of her Groose cosplay. 

She posted that she'd be going to SakuraCon 2012 to sell her artwork, and I was going with my friends, so off I went! 

While dressed as Saria from Ocarina of Time, I met Molly while she was dressed as Groose. 

She had a towel in her pants for appropriate bulge, she tells me later.

With my friend Tyler as Link at my side, he held my arm while I managed to get Molly's phone number... Turns out she lived nearby! :D

We hung out all summer and it was glorious. 

Then she went away to Japan and New Zealand for three months and I pined the entire time. ;_;

When she came back we casually discussed possibly maybe dating each other because hey, we kinda liked each other a lot. We decided to give it a go. :D 

On March 17th, 2013, I gave her tickets to the Symphony of the Goddesses concert that would be playing in September. March 17th was the one year anniversary of the first time I ever saw her.

Now we're the couple that posts crap like this on each others' Facebook walls on Valentine's Day.

We've been together since February 2013, and next week we're moving for the third time into a new place together. We're hoping for the best for this place and are very excited about it, and I'm so glad we have each other to lean on during the nonsense of moving. 

ANYWAY that's our geeky story. <3

Work Woes

First of all, why is any default font Times New Roman?

Gross.

Secondly, I'm allowed to talk about it now, so let me explain why the last couple of months have been some of the most trying for me thus far.

Until the end of February I was working for a local fire protection company as an admin assistant/receptionist.

It's a small office, six ladies in total including myself, and things are said often in a small group of women that probably shouldn't be said. Racist jokes. Sexist jokes. Homophobic jokes. 

See, when I started there, I was told that the ladies were very open and quite vulgar, which I expected. Office ladies and the occasional technician, curses ran free.

I did my job quietly for almost a year, and the ladies were well aware of my home situation, that is - That I am in a stable monogamous relationship with another woman. We've been together for over two years, we don't have any drama.

I think that may have been the problem.

I don't talk about what happens at home with my coworkers because A) it's not their business, and B) it's still not their business.

I mean, you have to be level ten to unlock my tragic backstory, right?

I wish I could tell you that it wasn't my boss who made the homophobic jokes, but it was. 

One afternoon while I was wearing a dress (because what you're wearing clearly matters, kids) I offered to replace the big water canister on top of the cooler because my other coworker couldn't do it because she's pregnant.

Boss told me not to worry, that we could get one of the guys to do it later. I'm the office help, it's no trouble for me to do it. I'm not so weak that the water would take me down.

I said, with a joking tone, that we 'don't need a man to do it' and my boss told me to "stop being such a lesbian about it".

Let me clarify, because context is, though irrelevant, important for the story I guess. I'm pansexual. Women, men, everything in between, floats my boat. I love people of all kinds, and I'm not held back by gender when it comes to attraction.

That shouldn't affect how people treat me in the workplace.

Because I was so busy being blown away that she'd say such a thing, I let it slide. Replaced the water. The day carried on.

A little while later I heard rumor from a loyal coworker that I was going to be fired, that they were looking for my replacement. Why, is anyone's guess. I worked diligently and quietly. I asked appropriate questions, I was respectful, I got things done with efficiency. Really, I'm the dream admin assistant. I often wonder if it's because I did everything without drama that I was replaced. In a tiny office that thrives off of dramatic news, perhaps my 'boring' nature needed to be replaced. 

So, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I updated my resume, sent out feelers for new jobs, got a weekend reception job at a local hair salon where I'm still working. My new boss is gay, and one of my favorite people in the whole world. No issues with discrimination there. :D 

After two of the most stressful weeks of waiting, the day finally came when I was told that 'today is your last day', and that they were sorry but there wasn't much work they could give me anymore. True, because I worked quickly, and business was slow. There wasn't a lot they could give me to do.

Keep in mind that a job posting had called for a new admin assistant for this workplace and Boss and Accountant had been going out to interview people while we were all running the office. Searching for my replacement.

I packed up my desk, hugged my two coworkers who I actually had grown close to, and left that Thursday afternoon.

Friday morning I received a text about the new girl who had replaced me.

One of the coworkers texts me that Boss announces to the office after New Girl had filled out paperwork and left the office, "Don't worry girls, this one's not a lesbian."

Excuse me?!

Livid and sick with...I don't even know, righteous fury? I consulted with my girlfriend, my parents, the human rights tribunal of BC and a couple of close friends who'd been in similar discrimination situations and I was advised to open a complaint against Boss.

It was a long, complicated and arduous process. I was told by Loyal Coworker that Boss was freaking out when she got served with the notice of complaint. The fact that it had brought her so many emotions gave me joy. If I didn't stand up to her, who would?

Apparently the girl before me had been bisexual, and she'd been 'let go' too.

I was contacted by both Loyal Coworkers with words of praise, proud of me for standing up to Boss.

I was then told that they wouldn't stand up for me if the matter was taken to court.

Skip forward to a few weeks later, to about a week ago.

I contact my case manager who tells me that I have to provide evidence. The only evidence I have is from the word of my coworkers who were present for the 'stop being such a lesbian' comment, and text messages from Loyal Coworker who called, begging to know if I'd named her officially in the complaint against Boss.

No, of course I hadn't. I'm not a snitch.

Besides, why is job security suddenly more important than right versus wrong? Basic human rights? What happened to you being proud of me for standing up for myself?

And so I am faced with no one to back me up in court. Of my coworkers who told me they were proud of me for standing up to her, none of them will stand up for me.

Fighting a losing battle against a company, and a Boss who lost the little respect I had for her in the first place, I decided to drop my case.

I'm horrendously disappointed in my coworkers, and in this entire situation.

The only thing I can gain from this is the knowledge that those of you who knew about the situation while it was happening helped hold me up and kept me from despair and I thank each one of you eternally. You know who you are.

Molly has been my rock through this entire ordeal.

At the beginning of my fight when I was losing hope, she looked me in the face and asked me, "Honey. What would Anders do?" That may seem a little far-fetched to some of you, but it's been what I've clung to this entire time.

Anders fought. He didn't give up. Sure, I might have, but I shook the foundations and maybe now Boss will think twice before she opens her mouth.

One sentence horror stories:

Basement suite for rent, no laundry.

I thought I didn't ask for much, but apparently I do.

I just want some quality gay and lesbian movies that a) don't end in tragedy, or b) are trashy sex movies.

Really? Those are my only options. There are no in betweens!!

ENOUGH

Do I have to write this myself? I may have to. 

Goodnight.

If you have any suggestions, let me know.

*whispers* Dear Japan, please stop teaching your women that they are ‘impure’ for wanting to hold hands with their boyfriends.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore “My Love Story/Ore Monogatari”, a new anime that’s come out in the last month. It’s not your typical story, with a young pretty girl falling for the big gorilla type character Takeo.

But in one of the newest episodes, Yamato expresses that she is not as ‘good’ as Takeo thought she was, saying she was impure for wanting to ‘hold hands and snuggle and stuff.’

Are we just super free with our affections here in North America? Is this a culture thing? How is it ‘impure’ to hold hands with someone you’re dating?

Please, if you have some info for me, let me know in the comments. I’m very interested.

In the meantime I will definitely continue to watch My Love Story because it makes my girlfriend and I squeal with joy at how cute it is.

Until next time...